Wintered Debts

i can't survive another come-down day when my spirit houses so much pain, so much bitterness
i need to teach myself to feel again somehow i've lost the thread of being human, rotting in this bitterness

i'm so confused, what is the function of this ego sickness?
uselessly beleaguered by self-hatred whisperings, man i can't deal with mourning at the carcass of my failures any longer

slipping on my own vomit while i tried to call you from a bathroom in Sao Paulo but i was too drunk to formulate any sort of earthly language, so much bitterness
other people can say there is a true belief system but all my life i've been betrayed by my mother's religion, so much bitterness

i'm so destroyed, what is the purpose of this ego sickness?
uselessly besieged by self-aversion whisperings, man i can't deal with mourning at the carcass of my failures any longer

can't seem to get the saddle on the spoils of this morbid fugue
my mantra's of subhuman nature, just a baleful ululation
the ink's dripping all over me, the only regret i have is caring
are we posing are we props? riding the anger till it stops

father, will we starve today, father, will we starve?
father, will we starve today? father, will we starve?
no my child, there are wild women here and crafty fish am i, no my child there are wild women here and a fleshy catch am i
will our quarters be the sunken earth deep beneath the meadow, will our quarters be the sunken earth deep beneath the ground?
no, my child, you'll lay your head upon a monstrous felony, no my child you'll rest your head upon a gross misdeed
father, will our crime be that of grace or of defilement? father, will our crime be that of beauty or abuse?
my child, oh my blessed one, the lord makes no distinction, for artful retribution is his singular delight

its hard to sympathize with those that won't fight for themselves
i can't hold both our faces off the flames much longer
the child of our struggle is free
i've fallen out of love with the prisoner
that's to save us